The Triumphant Return of Shannanigans

My Dad's sage advice to me when I graduated college was this: "Shanny. Work is the curse of the drinking class."

It took me a few years to get it. But now that I am deeply ensconced in a thankless job for the man--and feeling my creativity slowly sucked out of me with every single swipe of the time clock--happy hour takes on a whole new meaning. I watch desperately as the last 10 minutes of work tick by. Jesus! I. Want. A. Freaking. DRINK!

We all have those days. Where we can't reach our neighborhood dives fast enough. Where the promise of stale cigarette smoke, shitty jukebox music and cheap beers by the bucket await us.

And if I am lucky I'll get in some good people watching.

I've noticed something interesting though. The happy hour people watching changes dramatically depending on the day of the week.

Take for instance the Monday crowd. Jeeezy Creezy. These people really hate their jobs. It's only 8 hours into the workweek and the only comfort they have is the lukewarm miller high life at $5 a bucket.

You'll see a handful of them on their own in their wrinkled khakis. Shoulders slumped. Clutching desperately to their beverages like a fat kid would a contraband snickers bar at a weight loss camp. Some may have brought their coworkers along to commiserate. They are all talking animatedly about how much their boss sucks. How shitty the new policies are. How ridiculous the workload is. Etc, etc. They trade off rants while the others nod in agreement and shake their heads in disgust.

Just an observation for you HR types. If you hear of a group of employees going to happy hour on a Monday night you have failed epically. Your policies suck and your workforce all wish you'd either get fired or get diagnosed with colon cancer. If you've heard this happen on multiple occasions then they are hoping you get colon cancer.

Tuesday night brings little difference to the Monday crowd. However there seems to be just a handful more people than last night. You'll also see the same people from last night posted at their assigned stools and talking to the bar tender. These are bar flies. They are much like the neon signs on the wall: always counted on to be a part of the ambiance and half-lit.

The Wednesday night crowd starts to tip the balance. Especially if it is ladies night. Twenty something girls still trying to work (or sleep) their way to the top will start converging on the bar around 7pm. All in the name of free alcohol. They will travel in packs as ladies do and usually have traded their work ensembles for something a little more like Friday night. They may or may not be me and my lady friends.

Thursday is the it-night happy hour. Yuppies converge like mad to celebrate the fact that they'll only spend one day hung-over at the office before the weekend. These happy-hour goers tend to stay a little later in the night and get a little more fun to watch. Especially if you are at a place that doesn't serve food. Most will them drink their dinner and not hold their liquor as well on empty stomachs. FUN! If you find yourself bored on a Thursday night, go to your local watering hole that is sans food service around 7:00pm. See how many drunks in their deflated work clothes you can pick out of the crowd.

Friday Night. People who go to happy hour on Friday are in 2 distinct groups:

1) Married with family so they have to get home to spend the rest of the weekend with the family. Hence they did not go home first to doll up prior to the party.
2) The hardcore drinkers in singledom who are starting out early.

They tend to be an interesting mix to watch share the same square footage. So no matter which you are you should go enjoy the dichotomy.


Just remember kids ... No matter what night of the week is dominant in your existence, you deserve happy hour. The Supreme Court actually mandated that clause be added to your Miranda rights. You just have to make sure you inform your boss you are invoking your right to Happy Hour.