I Hold These Truths to be Self-Evident

I'd like to preface this post with a cautionary word to the wise: I am not responsible for the consequences if you follow my advice considering that I have experienced both great success and epic failure in developing these basic tenants of my womanhood.

Without further ado: The Female Lover's Bill of Rights ....

I am entitled to steal your clothes. I may wash them and give them back. Or, more realistically I may keep them for an undetermined period of time. As consolation for your dwindling wardrobe just know that I'll probably think of you 93 times a day while wearing your shirt, boxers, sweatpants etc. Actually, I'll probably think of you 93 times anyway.

The post-coital cuddle is part of the experience. It is my right to snuggle up to you and thank you for your glorious performance.

You must appreciate that I am a woman. As such, I have estrogen saturating my blood stream. At times this will make me forget all logic and reason. I will do my best to tame that craziness in exchange for your promise not to make any sudden movements when you see my eyes glowing red with hormonal rage.

The toilet seat should always remain down. No lady likes to get stuck in the ca mode at 4am.

Opening the car door or offering me a hand up/down is always noted and appreciated.

It's probably best to feed me drinks and take me dancing if the Sooners loose. Unless I am distracted I am going to be a mopey little brat for the remainder of the evening. I am allowed to be a brat until I wake up Sunday morning. If it is the Texas game, I get all day Sunday, too.

I should be your last call of the day.

You must always appear to like my haircut, my cooking and my mother. Unless I bitch about the sub-par haircut or cooking first, save your negative comments for boys night. On the other hand there is no circumstance on this planet in which you are allowed to talk shit about my momma.

I am entitled to affection, flattery and thoughtful gestures. Just like you are entitled to lingerie and other naughty surprises.

I know you are stronger than I am. But you should usually let me win when we wrestle.

Goodnight All,

Shay