The Break-Up Commandments for the Tossed Aside ... Part Deaux.

Back to the Grind: Commandments 4 - 6

The work week was floating by in slow motion. It seemed I could never be satisfied. When at work I had periods where I was focused on the task at hand. The minutes ticked by and my broken heart went unnoticed. At other times the ex was all I could think about and work seemed like so much effort. When I was at home there weren’t any distractions. I felt tired and scared shitless and overwhelmed.

It is was at those points in time I had to do a little self-comforting. And thus I discovered Break-Up Commandment number four:

THOU MUST DEVELOP BREAK-UP MANTRAS

When the emotional part of me was taking the lead and I felt myself at the edges of my sanity with panic and grief, I didn’t have much spare energy available to talk myself down. So I clung desperately to the following series of predetermined truths to cut down on the hysterics.

1. He cut and ran at the first sign of real trouble. I am built to love unconditionally and to work through anything. My family has been through some pretty trying experiences and we have loved each other deeply the whole way through. Him just giving up was unfathomable and unacceptable to me. This was not the person I can spend a life with. That was quite a mouthful to repeat to myself when I was at the verge of a full-blown, snotty cry (no pun intended). So, I shortened it to the following:

“He was flight and I am fight. And fight kicks flight’s ass!”

Say that 5 times fast!

2. Because he didn't stick around for the hard stuff, he never really cultivated deep friendships either. I have several people I can call at four o’clock in the morning. I couldn’t think of anybody like that in his life. (Should have been a huge red flag! I can be so blind sometimes)

“Eventually he’ll run from everyone and end up alone. Hmmm … Karma sucks dude.”

That was a tad vindictive. (Ok! More than a tad, I admit it.) But, it made me feel better knowing that he’d eventually have to face the consequences of his actions. It was comforting knowing that I would not be the only one to suffer.

3. I resolved to use the misfortune to my advantage. I started writing again. I trained for a long bike ride in the late spring. I’m got my house in order—since (Thank the Karma Gods!) I found a place to settle for the foreseeable future. I was determined to come out of it smelling like roses. Just to spite him.

“Just call me Andy Dufrane! I’ll crawl through this river of shit and come out clean on the other side”

If you have not seen Shawshank Redemption I have two things to say to you …

1) Shame on you. 2) Go buy it immediately.

Our past together didn’t help me. The present was painful. So it was important for me to have some mantras that were hopeful about my future. Seriously. Future Me I dreamed of was one kick-ass chica! (Just go with it. It was my ridiculous way of trying to ensure I would’t get dumped like that again.)

Thus I established Break-Up Commandment number five:

THOU MUST SET GOALS AND VISUALIZE ACCOMPLISHING THEM

I decided to spend more time cycling because it is something I really enjoy. I’m more of a baptism by fire kind of girl, so I registered for a 75 mile bike ride! Eeek! The most I had ridden in one sitting was about 20 miles so I had a loooong way to go. Good thing was I wasn’t worried about my heartache when my legs were about to fall off from the training rides!

I agreed to start attending a friend’s work out group every morning. Me + Cardio + 5:30 AM = righteous bitch! I didn't stick to that for long. Let's just say that a million lunges in one workout left me with serious inflammation in the tendons in my legs and I literally couldn't walk. So I decided to stick to cycling at more resonable hours of the day instead.

I also fantasized that I could write a chick lit novella about all my post-mortem adventures, get published and have the last laugh! Jen Lancaster, eat your heart out! This blog is my baby step in that direction. I really hope you guys like it!

Eventually, I planned on dating again. Just not right away. It would have been poor first date conversation to mention that I find the praying mantis fascinating because the female decapitates the male during sex. Call me crazy, but I doubt would have made it to date number two. Hmm ... Maybe if I were wearing my pink hooker heels. 

Sometimes all that self-empowerment, goals and mantras seemed like utter bullshit. Eh. Maybe it was. But at least I was trying. When that happened, I found it helpful to quit stalking his FaceBook and embrace Break-Up Commandment number six:

WHILST THOU IS ACTING LIKE A DEFEATED COW, SUMMON THY LADIES AND MAKE HASTE TO HAPPY HOUR 

Ahhhhh! Happy hour. How I love thee! This commandment was directly influenced by commandments 1-3. I would grab my awesome ladies, throw on a hot outfit and hit up happy hour for some sport flirting. It helped to blow off some steam

(If happy hour isn’t your thing find some mid-week activity, art opening, anything in your area and embrace it. Have a wing woman or women in toe. Do something you enjoy and spend some quality time with your friends to get your mind off things. Although if you are reading this you are probably a friend of mine. So by default you enjoy happy hour as much as I do.)

On one such occasion, I summoned the ladies and we hit a low-key bar for drinks and discussion. The four of us gossiped. We bitched about men (me and another unsatisfied friend), bragged about men (my 2 friends that are very satisfied). I liked that. It kept the conversation balanced. One buddy described her man’s dedication in the sack (very satisfied indeed!) and I say AMEN! God bless the boys that make our O a personal mission! We all laughed and gave her high 5’s at having landed a good catch.

It reminded me that there are good men out there. Not all of them are going to quit on you without warning or refuse to make an effort where your happiness is concerned (both in and out of the bedroom).

I left the bar feeling a little lighter. I went by a drive-thru on my way home. TAKE THAT! I’ll eat junk food if I want to … Fucker!

 Stay tuned for the next installment where I fall in love ... with sweatpants, return to my reckless behavior and get a little sidetracked on my discovery of the Break-Up Commandments