eHarmony brought more eHumor than anything else ...

I like dares-- especially the harmless ones where only your ego is in danger of being maimed.


My roommate dared me to put up a profile on eHarmony. He argued that I was too picky and expected too much to get very many matches.

I thought he was crazy. So I accepted the challenge (without knowing the personal novel I was going to have to write to complete the stinkin thing!)

They asked me everything but my mother’s maiden name and how I would rate myself in the bedroom. (By the way eHarmony, you should add the latter question to your survey. I bet people want to be matched on sexual prowess, too.)

So about 300 questions and an hour later I was ready to view my matches.

9 matches.

Seriously! That’s it? HAHAHAHA! Damn the Roomie for being right! Thank goodness the profile crap was free (except for that hour or so of my life I won't ever get back).

So I browse through the matches. (Without pictures. You have to pay to see them so I’ve included pictures of what I think they look like based on their profiles)

Let's see what wonderful men I am matched with!

Who might be my future co-star in the “We met online and now we’re married!” – Happily ever after commercials??? Oh! The suspense!

Well, let me tell ya. I’ll be a spinster for life if those 9 profiles are the best eHarmony has to offer.

The first few weed-outs were easy.

35. Nope. Too old.
35 again. NOPE!
26. Nope. Too young.
Lives in Bartlesville. Nope.
Lives in Fort Smith? Dang how far out did I set my match radius? Nope.

Ok 4 left.

Hmm. 28 in Tulsa. Sounds good. Let’s see …

“I’m a pretentious artsy type that digs European culture and looks down my snooty little nose at my fellow countrymen.”

-- Why are some artistic people so anti-American? Just a thought for you … YOU LIVE IN AMERICA! And in the heartland, no less! Move to the snotty East Coast or Madrid if you are so inclined to despise the people here.










Ok. 32 in Tulsa. Promising ….

“I am an oil worker with lots of tattoos and 2 kids.”


--Oil worker, ok. Tattoos, ok. 2 kids and one is a TEENAGER? Nope. Jeez. I just can’t. She’s half my age.







27 in Tulsa. 3rd time’s a charm …

“I am a super Christian and I never smoke or drink. I have just returned from Africa on a mission trip and am now getting my masters from ORU”

– I don’t mind Christians. I believe in some form of God. I was raised and am now a recovering Catholic. But, I do smoke. And, I do drink. I also get a little panicky around the pew-jumping, bible-thumping, babbling like they are hallucinating type of Christians. I just can’t hang. My faithful upbringing was far too stoic and structured to reconcile myself with a full band, stage lights and people screaming in the isles on Sunday morning.

Oh, and as for missionary. I enjoy it. But I think we are off base in how we define the word.


29 in Tulsa. Well last, but maybe not least …

“I laugh at my own lame jokes lol just want 2 tell u that I forgot how 2 type out full sentences n use punctuation I spelled out exspecially tho u should b proud lol”

– LEAST! Most definitely least!






So those are the fish in my eHarmony Sea. Glad I did that as a dare rather than out of desperation or I would have been seriously depressed.

And if I am a little picky—it’s just because I deserve it.

Have a good weekend everyone. I think I’ll stick to going out and meeting men the old fashioned way!